Your not abandoned in your inner turmoil, God is planting his seeds and preparing the soil. Time has caused you to beleive that God has left you at the altar, you gave yourself as an offering yet feel God has forgot you. You scream on the inside and think others receive blessings but not you. Blinded by multiple failures and reasoning with the mind, you compare yourself to others saying why are they always fine? But you don’t see what’s on the inside, you cannot judge another persons heart or test success in God by time. You are being pruned, cut back so the fruit you once bore will be even greater. You are being purified by the universe creator. Now if God can keeps the universe in such law and order, why do you struggle to believe he can keep your life the same? You think that your life is a mess because you experience pain? Labor is painful, but the joy aftetwards far outweighs this. Yes, this is the experience of pregnancy before new born babies. Labor is 9 months and the child is for life, let God do his work for a while and watch how he makes everything right! No one else can walk the path God has laid out for you, your good works have been prepared in advance, so keep on pushing through! Pruning is necessary for growth, no one likes the shears of the gardner cutting back for fruit to grow. Let God do his work, let him multiply your fruitfulness, don’t threat just because others succeed while they are still in their youthfulness. Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. Let these fruits become the maker of your soul. Let it go so you can grow, in due time God will reap a harvest through you!