There is an old saying that states, “hurt people hurt people”. When a person has a deep emotional wound, whatever caused that wound can rise up in a moment resulting in a feeling of discomfort or pain. If that pain grows through meditating on the cause, then usually the pain will be unleashed on someone else, usually in a way that will hurt them. “I feel this way, so I am going to make them feel what I feel”, this being the thoughts of the one who is hurting.
Let’s say this pain is rejection caused through childhood. When the person has grown up they become attached to someone emotionally to the point of wanting to ask them out. They ask the question and the answer is “no”. The person who said no in most cases will not want to hurt the other person. They may even genuinely love them as a friend but just not feel the same way. This is not a bad thing, in fact in the long run it could be the best thing for both of these people. However, the person who has experienced rejection, maybe even many times in their lifetime, can see this differently. For them, all the emotional wounds of the past come to the surface at once. For this person it can be painful, this pain can then be projected at the person who they actually don’t want to hurt. All though they may do their best to keep the pain at bay, sometimes the pain can takeover and be controlling.
In some cases, the person who is rejected will do all they can to avoid it and emotionally shut down, or they will keep pressing on to get that “yes” from whatever it is they are pursuing. Both of these are harmful to our souls in the long run. It is true that those who we hurt are usually those closest to us. Why? Because they are the ones who see us the most, they are the ones who we don’t hide our true self from, the ones who in most cases can cope with the person when they are struggling. The person who is hurt doesn’t mean to hurt them, it is just hard for that person to express their feelings. This person may actually really hurt those close and push them away, and thus continues the vicious ciycle of rejection. In other cases however, those closest to them see them through it by continually accepting them, thus breaking the power of rejection and pain! It is a process that takes time and perseverance, but it is possible to overcome rejection to the point of no longer being affected by it in the future.
This is not just rejection from the person we want to be with! This can be rejection from friends; work opportunities, being chosen for something, on and on the list could go. How do we overcome it? Overcoming depends on the individual and how deep the wounds are, usually it is a process not an instant fix. For example: a Christian can overcome by focusing on their acceptance by God, reminding themselves that they are loved unconditionally. It also helps when they see how Jesus himself was rejected, yet he never let rejection shape who he was or get in the way of what he had to do. Plus they can pray for strength. Not a christian? What about all the yes’s? Surely a person has not heard no every time! It is said that statistically it takes 5 good experiences to overcome one bad one. Our minds however through a process of positive thinking is able to focus on that one good thing. If our thoughts are negative, eventually how we act will be negative and create a negative environment around us. Positive thinking does the opposite. So in essence, rejection can create rejection, unless we accept the no and not let that create an expectancy of always hearing no, no matter what past experiences tell us! We don’t have to live in the power of our past, if we do, it can destroy the power of the future.
Easy? No! It’s hard, but in the long run it will be worth it, in the end we can be told “no” but still keep our heads held high, because we know that rejection only has the power we allow it to have. There are other ways to overcome rejection, but these two ways are the main ones for now:
1) seek God: his acceptance holds the power to overcome rejection. It is not easy but through persistence and faith it becomes easier.
2) The mind: what we think, we eventually act out, that’s why our thoughts should be filled with good thoughts. Experience, circumstance, and our patterns of thought can have a huge impact on our lives. That’s why this can be the most challenging part to deal with.
Not giving up is key to overcoming too, even when it seems we are getting no where, or we get somewhere but find ourself struggling again. Throw away the option to quit, if anything do this! Failure is not trying and not succeeding, it is not even trying at all. So keep going. Let the “no” not stop your “yes” to life. It is hard but in the end you will be saying ‘yes’ to victory. You will overcome the no! Sometimes though, no is a good thing. It’s just at the time the no doesn’t make sense. For example: what if a job you really wanted turned you down? Then some time down the line, because you refused to quit, you get a job that has the job you turned down working for you! Okay, so that may not be the case. The moral of the story; you don’t know if that no can actually lead to a much greater yes! So can you overcome rejection? Yes you can! Why? Because you believe you can and refuse to give up!